A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed. Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English.
Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the
hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in
passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel,
because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the
entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new
guests.
The Hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are
always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available
in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to
conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note
that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize
social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.
The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At
dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle
with you.
Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter,
every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of
outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise,
since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by
pederasts.
Bed
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have
any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage
of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and
underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
Above All:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope.
You will struggle to forget it.